How Do I Help My Son Overcome His Painful Shyness?

Q. "My 7 year old son suffers with extreme shyness, in fact he will hardly talk to anyone outside of the family. What can I do to encourage him?"

A. Some children are naturally slower than others to warm to people. Still, they can usually learn to overcome their fears and become less anxious. You have to take one step at a time, starting from where they are, and building on each success.

Find activities which he can enjoy and succeed in. The more he sees himself as being good at things, the more confidence he will have - and also the more he will have to talk about. If these activities involve other people all the better. Don't force him to go, but don't let him off the hook too easily either. Many kids refuse to go to things even when they know they will love it when they get there!

Plan some social situations that will turn out to be learning experiences. Start slowly, and build on each one. One example might be, going to a movie with a friend. They can enjoy the experience together but don't have to engage in conversation. Movies are almost always fun.

Start with familiar structured activities with few people. As he gains confidence in being and interacting with people, then set up more challenging situations. Always set them at a level at which he will succeed, and quit while it is going well! The everyone will want to do it again.

Build the social encounters around the activities he enjoys. If it is computer games, then have some friends around (one at first, then more) to play games with him, and talk about the games they are playing.

When it's time to visit adults, tell them about your son's latest adventures playing the computer game. Let him be the one to correct you about any details. Hopefully, he'll become engaged and start talking about some of the high points for him. You can even clue the adults in ahead of time about things to ask him.

If he doesn't respond, don't force him and don't make excuses for him. It is his decision to talk or not. He will have to live with the consequences. It will be easier on him if you try to draw him into conversations. You might ask him a specific, open-ended question about the game. It might be something like: "How did Mario get lost in the Mansion in the first place?" Don't put him on the spot by asking a yes or no question and don't talk about difficult things or subjects he doesn't like.

Gradually, your son will develop confidence in talking and being with people. He will then be able to take more risks by talking about less familiar subjects. In short - if talking becomes fun, he will do more of it. It it is difficult or embarrassing he will do less.

Finally, don't call him "shy". The more he hears you say this, the more convinced he will be that that is just how he is and that he cannot change. In time he might even use this as an excuse: "I can't do that - I'm too shy!" Instead, emphasise his positive qualities - his gentleness, kindness, politeness etc.

It may all take some time, but if you keep it all positive and affirming, he should get there.

Article Directory: http://www.article-tree.com

Dr. Noel Swanson has a free newsletter on children's behavior problems and is a valued contributor to Yes Parenting website.
Feel free to grab a unique version of this article from the parenting Articles Submissions Service

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5 

Not yet Rated